[ DUPLICITY ] ic inbox;

[burnination]

text | audio | video | action | etc

Comments

[saints]

maxine.

[ that's it. answer him. now. ]

[burnination]

triskelion.

[ sup boo ]

[saints]

[ oh he likes that one. ]

so since i have to use my body for nefarious purposes like finding a sugar daddy or something i need your opinion on like

my sexy photos

because while you dont care if i send you a nasty photo with a cheese curl just sitting on the edge of the bed

total strangers definitely will judge me

so i need a second pair of eyes to make sure they're peak perfection.




you game?

[burnination]

i would be a terrible friend if i wasnt willing to help u get ur sext portfolio up to snuff

we need ur wiles to hook us a sucker to mooch off anyway

cuz u kno we got fuck all for dowry


hit me bambi im rdy

[saints]

attachment: 00093.jpg

i'm glad we're vibing on the same wave length, maxine the great.

so this one:

too much? not enough? i gotta be sure it's extra quality and i thought it was just flirty enough, you know?

MISFIRE • un: eggsynjb

[muggsy]

don't give a fuck what ur doing mate
get over here right now or ur not getting any

[burnination]

[ uh
ok but how ]

r u the chastity wizard??

[muggsy]

wtf
not getting any of the scotch u dickhead

( He'll realise eventually, don't worry. )

[burnination]

so prohibition wizard
wow fuck u then
ur not getting any pancakes

[ its cool, he's rolling with it ]

[muggsy]

( And there's a longer gap between messages this time because wow, Jack wouldn't type like that unless he was having a heart attack or something?? )

fuck




wrong number
enjoy ur pancakes

[burnination]

[ and jack would never be making pancakes, ever. he boils water, that is the extent of his stove ability. ]

ty

be nice to ur alcoholic dickhead tho
dude might b going thru some shit
+ hoarding good liquor is a karmatic foul

[muggsy]

he's always going through some shit
can't go 2 fuckin days without findin some shit to go through

anyway who the fuck are you, the booze wizard?
karmatic foul
fuck off

[burnination]

like broke a nail shit or
legit traumatic shit shit?
1 of the above makes u a dbag still

bitch i might be
& if i am ur not getting any magic absinthe
so go cry into ur boring normal person scotch

[muggsy]

a dbag for what exactly
telling him to hurry the fuck up or i won't get wrecked with him??

why would i want magical absinthe
last time i had regular absinthe i passed out for an hour n hallucinated a fuckin thunderstorm
i'll keep my normal person scotch thanks

dick

[burnination]

for making fun of a dude going thru shit

magical absinthe makes it a techno light thunderstorm
where the rain makes u feel tingly and warm all over
and u can talk to animals and see space and physics and shit
which is badass
unless ur epileptic ig
rip

twat

[muggsy]

ok then looks like i'm a dbag
u probs don't wanna share ur magic lsd absinthe with a dbag
guess i'll have to move on with my life

arsehole

[burnination]

nah magic lsd is completely different
like astral projection thru dimensions
but bad trip means u might end up projected into hell
v unchill
not advised

asshat

[muggsy]

astral projection
god ur worse than those girls i knew in school
u gonna do my horoscope next?

[burnination]

nah im balls at divination
u gotta ask triscuit for that
call me if u get demon possession problems tho

[muggsy]

what the fuck are u talking about

[burnination]

[ hurgh he hates having to explain himself. mostly because he doesn't tend to think much before saying something, thus context tends to get lost, then he has to go back and try to remember wtf he was saying and why again. his brain's a weird place, shh. ]

horoscope = divination
divination = shit im bad at
divination = shit triscuit is good at
triscuit = tristan clark
for horoscope, see tristan clark

shit i can help with = demons
and pancakes ig

[ this is also usually the part where people go "lol ok crazy w/e u say" and fuck off, which works great for him, because then he never gets in trouble for breaking the 'don't tell the normal people about magic' rule. ]

[muggsy]

( If Max had been hitting him up in October the Eggsy would have absolutely shrugged him off as a lunatic, but ... times have changed. He's seen things. Sabrina the Teenage Witch here is hardly the weirdest shit that's gone down lately - if he's telling the truth. )

right n what about that condescending fucking attitude
what's that all about

[burnination]

u wanted an explanation
i explained
sry?

[ legit wasn't trying to be condescending, it was genuinely him breaking down the thought process that led to what he typed, woops. but it's not the first time that's come out like that either.

there's a reason he only socializes with like 3 people. ]

[muggsy]

( Don't mind Eggsy, he's a delicate flower right now and he's been in a shit mood for at least a fortnight. Pls ignore. )

right well this has been fun
probably shouldn't carry on talking to strangers though
first rule of not getting murdered n all that

[burnination]

literally evry1s a stranger til u talk to them
but yea ok enjoy ur scotch
seems like u need it

[ ok that one might've been condescending ]

[muggsy]

more than i need fucking pancakes

[burnination]

:(
hurtful

[muggsy]

( ✔ Read: 21:20 )

[burnination]

[ ]

jk i lied, action??? delivery??? idefk

[burnination]

[ after a couple hours, a heavy amount of creeping (because this is the weird shit max does when he's bored), and a lot of baking, some submissive delivery boy runs a care package up to eggsy's apartment in the dominant hotel.

it includes:
1. whiskey pancakes baked in the style of scotch pancakes, because putting actual scotch (instead of maple flavored crown royal) in pancakes seems disgusting.
2. a sticky note that reads "cheer up, buttercup :)"

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. :D ]

[muggsy]

( Just give Eggsy a few minutes because he doesn't know whether to be creeped out, scared, touched or pleased. )

are u serious
did u make me whisky pancakes

[burnination]

[ younevertextmewhenursober.mp4 ]

[muggsy]

... ok well
thanks
u really didn't have to
in fact it's kind of weird that u did

they're not poisoned right

[burnination]

yea im serious
yea i made u pancakes
ur welcome
if i did have to i wouldnt have done it
i know its weird

idk i havent died yet
good luck

[muggsy]

( And like, 10 minutes later: )

they're so good
how did u learn to make them this good
i'm gonna fuckin die

[burnination]

idk trail n error?
orphan living??
not liking bland pancakes???
oh, u found the poison ig

[muggsy]

i knew it

[burnination]

rip
what flowers u want on ur grave?

[muggsy]

red roses so everyone knows i was sexy

[burnination]

i cant do that in good faith if i dont actually know how sexy u r

[muggsy]

where's the trust

[burnination]

i will make u pancakes but i draw the line at sexy integrity

[muggsy]

can't believe ur burning me like this